April 8, 2013 | 2 comments so far - join the discussion!
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About two months ago, I started a series of Advice posts for my readers who wanted to send me questions to reach out for my opinion – about anything! As a result, 100% of the questions I seemed to have received were about relationships. Through that experience, I realised how much “romantic relationships” have taken over young adult’s minds (I assume my readers are about ages 14-25).
Romantic relationships have taken such a large part of our lives that many girls (or boys) have even gone to the path of thinking about suicide for their failed relationships. I.. for one, am absolutely against this. Now, let’s talk more about this and share our experiences together to make sure no one follows the same path as us.
Do not let your partner cross the line (XTL).
Not just for girls, but also for boys. Naturally, women are ultra sensitive and we can also go overboard sometimes. It’s important to keep this in mind.
It’s ok for your boyfriend to raise their voice at you if the TV is on and he is on the other side of the room. But it is not ok if he throws a fork at you to get your attention.
It’s ok for your partner to fistbump you. But it is not ok if he punches you on any part of your body when he is angry. Whether you get bruises or not, it is not okay.
I’m sure we’ve all experienced or heard of an experience of an abusive relationship. Sometimes, it may not just be physcially abusive, but it could also be emotionally abusive, or vocally abusive.
Any of these abusive actions are able to make you feel “worse off” in the relationship and are therefore classified as XTL.
It’s always hard to bring up a past experience that has traumatised you.. but I think it’s necessary to face the past and be able to talk about it. It is good to talk about your experiences with others who may have shared the same kind of experience.. it’s always easier when you know you’re not alone.
We’ve all gone through bad break ups. I had a particular bad one.
I mean.. we were all young and silly at one time of our lives. We meet the wrong person, love the wrong person.. and when we realise it, we try to leave, and that’s when we get stuck. No break ups are easy. If it’s easy, deep feelings were never involved.
For me.. I had a very loving “summer-love-story” – but it lasted a lot longer than a Summer. I was 16 or 17 when I met him and we shared almost every minute possible together. We sneaked into the library to play and laugh, we sneaked into golf courses to cuddle, we sneaked into schools near my house to just sit around and talk, we climbed on rooftops to watch the stars, we… did amazing.. and ofcourse romantic but childish things together. And never was there a moment.. where I felt.. unloved.
We took hundreds and thousands of selfies together each day. We were young and poor, but we were able to purchase the sweetest and cutest little gifts with minimal money.
We were so perfect together..
When we both graduated from highschool, we went our separate ways. I started to hang around a new crowd at university and he left highschool and started to work. We had very different perspectives of how our life would be in the future. I turned 18, and I just wanted to have fun. He started to settle down because highschool was all the fun he had, and started to try to lock me down.
As an 18 year old girl who had just started uni and started to make all these new friends who ran clubbing communities, and dance classes, and other societies, I refused. Again and again, I refused to stay home, I refused to spend every minute possible together.. and we started to drift…
Immediately, he started to feel like he was losing me. With the love story we shared, he refused to believe that I wanted to spend time with my own friends, and I wanted to spend time with other people but him! He started to..
Now.. lucky for me, I had very loving friends and family who supported me.
He continuously threatened to do things to me had I left him, he waited around my house and my workplace to find me and talk to me.. When I had refused to stay with him, he would punch the wall and shout at me. I was frightened.
As an 18 year old girl who had just stepped into adulthood, I had no idea what to do. With the threatening, with the stalking, with the hundreds of calls I’d receive in a day…
I knew there was only one thing to do. I called 000 (for those who are not in Australia, 000 is the national police line). In the end, I commenced an AVO against him, and decided not to go ahead and we worked things out from there and are now actually friends again.
But the moral of the story is to “reach out to someone when someone else has XTL”
We need to reach out for help when someone else has XTL. We need to educate our friends and family – especially the young ones – to reach out for help. It’s not easy to be brave enough to tell someone what’s happened to us. It’s never easy to reach out for help but with the hundreds and thousands of helplines available in each country, with the hundreds and thousands of people we have who care for us every day, it is necessary.
If you have a story you’d like to share, please tell me in the comment box.
If you are in a situation where someone else has XTL, you can reach out to me.