Advice: the confused ex-boyfriend

November 13, 2012 | 5 comments so far - join the discussion!

This is going to be my very first “advice” blog post!! Every week on Tuesday, I will be making a blog post answering questions emailed and facebooked to me – whether it’s about relationships or family or work or school. Shoot me an email (janice@chaigyaru.com).

This is the first question from a reader. These will be kept anonymous so don’t worry!

 

Just want to know, what should you do when an ex drunk calls you, then texts you a month later saying he’s sorry and that he misses you? he didn’t cheat on me or anything, he broke up with me in july and he randomly messaged me the other night saying he missed me and he didnt really wanna break up………. and it’s kinda confusing what im suppose to do/say about it?

 

Okay girl friend, seems like you’ve got an extremely confused ex-boyfriend here.

Ofcourse depending on the situation as a whole, such as how long you were dating him for, and how deep into the relationship you were, my advice could be very different. Sometimes, men tend to forget what they have until they’ve lost it.. and I think it happens with women too. There’s a quote… “sometimes two people need to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall back together”.. do you think you fit in this category?

But look.. firstly.. take a step back and think about it.. why did you let him go to begin with? And why did he break up with you in July? Is it because you two were always arguing? Is it because one of you had a different religion? Was it because you were both not ready for commitment? Was it his friends you couldn’t get along with? (The questions can go on and on and on.. but you need to answer yourself)

The “reason” why you broke up in July makes a big difference as to how you should react towards this confused ex-boyfriend.

You need to think about yourself too. Do you want to get back with him? What was it about him that you liked and disliked? Make a table of “pros” and “cons” and weigh it out! If  he hadn’t called you.. would you have called him to ask for him back?

And for the record.. I never believe in “drunken” words. Do you even want to be with a guy who only tells you the ‘so-called-truth’ when he is drunk and not thinking straight? Chances are.. maybe he wasn’t even actually “drunk” and just taking advantage of the situation to pretend he is drunk because he has too much pride to speak for himself when he is “sober”..

Is that someone you want to be with?

I recommend you to let him talk to you when he calls you.. and answer all my questions in your head and and if he texts you.. reply with “talk to me when you’re sober”. If he still texts you when he is sober.. it means he is probably genuinely sorry.

 

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  1. Dana says:

    Not bad as a first advice post, and I actually agree with what Janice is saying. You have to see the pros and cons, and think if he is someone you want to be with, or if you can imagine yourself without him, but again, as been said, the ‘reason’ you guys broke up make a difference.

    PS: I don’t believe in the ‘drunken’ words either.